you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
did i just pee glitter
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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