just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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