Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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