dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
