My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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