Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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