If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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