Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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