Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
