I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
