All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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