Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
