porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
