THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
