Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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