I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
