I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
