Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
