I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
