Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
