there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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