my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
