we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
