WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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