They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
