we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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