Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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