i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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