Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
