Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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