drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
