omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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