my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
