and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
