We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
