i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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