he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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