i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
