My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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