My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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