okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
