I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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