Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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