i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
