They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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