Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
