peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
