you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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