Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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