is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
