How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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