that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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