Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
