id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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